Don't Eat Their Food

It may appeal to your wallet to polish off that plate of mac n' cheese or even for your more diverse (or perverse) palettes the baby food in jars.... Well, Don't. Baby food is for babies, and it'll only make it look like your going to have one in a few months if you eat their food.

I think this takes shape -ahem- as the child approaches 2 because they are eating nearly the food you did just a few years ago. Its hot dogs, mac n' cheese, PBJ's, and pizza for any meal....

But right now, your stomach can barely handle that Dean and Deluca sandwich with the brie that your brother raved about when he visited you last spring. Suddenly a salad for lunch seems like the only responsible option. But am I the lonely minority here?

I think not.

My wife's cousin caught me stroking my New Year's day belly (after a long, satisfying meal). He must have glimpsed some disbelief because he said, "The new Large's are smaller, right?" I looked at him blankly for a moment till it registered, "Yeah, I never thought of that before." I just thought I was gaining weight.

Returning home to my little apartment, a converted garage woodshop, I weighed myself and looked at my California driver's license. Only 3 lbs heavier since Aug. Its the meal I just ate, I thought.

Maybe all my clothes are shrinking in the dryer and all the clothes in the stores are selling smaller to cover overhead costs of shipping 60 million shirts every 2 weeks from some 3rd world country where the factories are located. Shave off 1 oz per 3 sq feet of packaged fabric and you have serious savings come round the end of the fiscal year.

Advice to the father trying to stay trim and yes, hip:

Don't try and convert your child to your diet. Let them have theirs and you have yours. Or that 40 dollar shirt from Lucky Brand won't fit next New Year's Eve.

And on a deeper level, kids are kids. Their bodies have different needs. Understanding how that involves issues beyond diet also helps. Everyone at their own level and speed.

The hardest thing to do is always give your child the benefit of the doubt even when they are being royal pains. Wanting my attention in a specific way (usually involving figurine elephants and car crashes) that I cannot attend to or if his request is actually not possible, usually ends up in a meltdown. Usually at an inopportune location.

But all he wanted was my undivided attention and the understanding that his thoughts and desires were recognized and important to me. I don't see that as unreasonable now, but at times the extremes to which a 2 and a half year old will go to to get their father's attention baffles me.

I suggest:

Leaving the Beatles anthology playing throughout the day. Their sage-like words, positivity, friendship, and great music permeate through the house settling children magically while giving you something quirky and interesting to say that week waiting in line at the grocery to the person ringing you up who happens to fit your record's demographic...