The Family Band

The temptation is there for all musicians to make: The Prodigy!!


I like any other musician have felt that goose step on my grave more than once. Having an apt little boy for a son helps it more, but I've come to grasp his great grandma's perspective: let kids be kids, babies be babies, adults be adults...

It first struck when he picked up a ukulele at 10 months and played it adeptly for a minute and a half, and then ran off. He didn't really pick it up again for months. And then shortly after he grew interested, he stood on my Aunt's childhood baritone ukulele and it cracked. Though I'm sure it was an endurance experiment that proved he was too heavy, we took away the guitars till he was a little older.

But, lately, he's been asking me to play for him and recognizing songs where I'm singing. He even asks Adriana to pick up her old purple bass and play as he tests out a small egg shaker.

Family Band?

The Minivan Fiasco

I should have thought it through.

She wanted to prepare for the future. One car that we'll own while our family grows. Instead its like an albatross around my neck. I'm cursed.

I bought a Chevy 2006 Uplander, a big sparkly swamp green marshmellow. And if you didn't already know, I'm here to tell you when you finance with GMAC they hold the title until you pay off the money you owe (such is my perception currently - stab of worry). Hence, I can't sell the thing and pay off the debt like any other debt.

So if anyone knows anybody willing to pay....

just kidding.

Actually, this debacle is a vehicle, ahem, for a greater message about kids and money. Someone said to me a while back that kids don't cost a thing. They drink milk for the first year of life.

While this is terribly inaccurate, on the other hand it isn't. We buy way many things for our kids or for the sake of our kids especially to somehow justify to our peers that having a kid is cool.... or some might do that...
I mean when I see my son wearing his Lucky Brand Jeanst-shirt, he looks a lot cooler than the other kids at the playground. I ain't fooling. Its awesome having a cool little man for a son, but to be realistic, kids clothes are in abundance. My mom's neighbors gave us nearly 2 years of clothing for our son when we were between New York apartments and living with her. If you're smart you can find Freecycle's supreme deals and comb Craigslist for the best of the best. You might even catch the windfall of another misguided purchases when they no longer need them and are too embarrassed to keep around.

Here's the advice: Don't be that guy. Pinch those pennies, because at the end of the day, real Rockstars wear second hand clothing and don't buy the million dollar yachts, they drive the same car, play the same guitar, and wear the same things they did before they hit it big.

Marley and Me: That dog is your Youth

If you haven't seen Marley & Me, you should. It covers a lot of the tradeoffs of marriage and parenting, but shows how in the long run being the family guy pays off.

The Movie is really about how life side swipes you and once it has you off balance, rarely do you get it back this side of the grave..... Hilarious right?

Did I mention people cried for most of the movie?

It reminded me of my childhood dog: Baron. A big golden retriever that was dumb as a post but sometimes very brave. He once dug up the backyard's electric fence and chewed through it. I'm sure it shocked him pretty good, but his self satisfaction as he sprawled on the once unreachable driveway was evident. I loved and sometimes felt I hated that dog and I identified with that part of the movie - the universal part. But the rest of the movie's really about young, ambitious creative fathers who have no idea how they were passed up in the rat race but find themselves in the middle of a large family over night. The dog is simply someone who shared that journey unscathed. Somehow, dogs are perpetually 20 something, and we eventually slow down and are old.

But, as the film shows, its worth it.

And as Mick Jagger has demonstrated, we may eventually look our age, but the true fans will always love us.

(Non Sequitor Image: Yes, I have a mini pinscher. Yes, she has little outfits. Yes, even a bathrobe with a hood and a matching rubber duck. And yes, this is this christmas, and that was her special gift from my mother in law.)

Don't Eat Their Food

It may appeal to your wallet to polish off that plate of mac n' cheese or even for your more diverse (or perverse) palettes the baby food in jars.... Well, Don't. Baby food is for babies, and it'll only make it look like your going to have one in a few months if you eat their food.

I think this takes shape -ahem- as the child approaches 2 because they are eating nearly the food you did just a few years ago. Its hot dogs, mac n' cheese, PBJ's, and pizza for any meal....

But right now, your stomach can barely handle that Dean and Deluca sandwich with the brie that your brother raved about when he visited you last spring. Suddenly a salad for lunch seems like the only responsible option. But am I the lonely minority here?

I think not.

My wife's cousin caught me stroking my New Year's day belly (after a long, satisfying meal). He must have glimpsed some disbelief because he said, "The new Large's are smaller, right?" I looked at him blankly for a moment till it registered, "Yeah, I never thought of that before." I just thought I was gaining weight.

Returning home to my little apartment, a converted garage woodshop, I weighed myself and looked at my California driver's license. Only 3 lbs heavier since Aug. Its the meal I just ate, I thought.

Maybe all my clothes are shrinking in the dryer and all the clothes in the stores are selling smaller to cover overhead costs of shipping 60 million shirts every 2 weeks from some 3rd world country where the factories are located. Shave off 1 oz per 3 sq feet of packaged fabric and you have serious savings come round the end of the fiscal year.

Advice to the father trying to stay trim and yes, hip:

Don't try and convert your child to your diet. Let them have theirs and you have yours. Or that 40 dollar shirt from Lucky Brand won't fit next New Year's Eve.

And on a deeper level, kids are kids. Their bodies have different needs. Understanding how that involves issues beyond diet also helps. Everyone at their own level and speed.

The hardest thing to do is always give your child the benefit of the doubt even when they are being royal pains. Wanting my attention in a specific way (usually involving figurine elephants and car crashes) that I cannot attend to or if his request is actually not possible, usually ends up in a meltdown. Usually at an inopportune location.

But all he wanted was my undivided attention and the understanding that his thoughts and desires were recognized and important to me. I don't see that as unreasonable now, but at times the extremes to which a 2 and a half year old will go to to get their father's attention baffles me.

I suggest:

Leaving the Beatles anthology playing throughout the day. Their sage-like words, positivity, friendship, and great music permeate through the house settling children magically while giving you something quirky and interesting to say that week waiting in line at the grocery to the person ringing you up who happens to fit your record's demographic...

Already in Motion

As with most of parenting, this blog emulates real life.

Most attributes, behaviors, ideas, and emotions that we nurture, hinder, or ignore are already in motion behind the scenes. I've certainly been thinking this blog a long time, and snippets of its voice has found their way onto other pieces of writing. I've decided quarantine is necessary and public display of the findings so others can learn where I failed and hopefully sometimes, succeeded.

To begin with,

I am an indie rock bassist, solo artist, a writer of fiction, a passable visual artist, a graduate from NYU, this artsy school with a reputation of sorts, and a New Yorker by choice (though I'm exiled and nearly penniless at the moment... That's the Post part of there.... I wish these blogs had footnotes because I want to tell you about how I haven't really shelved hipsterdom or nay, being a cool guy with a kid, but I've retooled it to fit a more mature, grownup version of that cool Village persona that we all miss so much.

And most importantly, you won't end up on the Upper West Side sporting a pink Polo shirt pushing a $2,000 dollar stroller in it with a baby somewhere inside its extrapolations, looking for the organic soy-based formula that is associated with your favorite non-profit organization.

That's not me.

I'm thinking Williamsburg before the high rises set in.

I'm thinking be a rockstar, but be a good dad.